In the eye of the beholder...

I found the inspiration for this blog on Saturday night, as I was pushing a buggy through walmart, all the while thinking: “Please Lord, don’t let me run into anyone I know!” As my luck would have it, I ran into several people I knew.


We’ve all had those moments. You know, when you’re rocking the two- (or three-) day hair and it’s looking a little nappy; you’re wearing “laundry day” clothes and you’re lookin’ a little crappy; and by God, you don’t have a LICK of make-up on. It is THAT day that you will run into your coworker; your pastor and his wife; the boy you’ve been trying to get to look your way for weeks; the mayor; at least three of your kinfolk; and your aunt’s husband’s sister who catches you in the very middle of the busiest aisle to tell you all the details about long-lost-so-n-so’s sordid affair, meanwhile everyone you know walks past catches a glimpse of you lookin’ your worst.

In the very vain society that we live in, you’d think we’d have sense enough to “paint the barn” (as my preacher would say) before walking into the Walmart that serves the Tri-County area. Lord knows, by now, we should know better.

But that’s not exactly what this blog is about…I’ve been wanting to write something about perception of beauty, the Walmart thing just happened to inspire it.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

For women, that is a loaded question. We tend to not see the beauty in ourselves, only the flaws when we gaze into the mirror. We pick ourselves a part. We don’t see the beautiful eyes God has given us, we only notice the fact that our skin is breaking out. We don’t see our pretty smile, because we are too busy noticing the crow’s feet that are beginning to show around our eyes.

Why do we do this?

I’ve given a lot of thought to this. As women, our negative self-image not only affects ourselves, but sometimes unbeknownst to us, it is projected upon our friends, our sisters, and our daughters. When you start worrying aloud about the few pounds you’ve gained, suddenly, your best friend becomes more self-conscious about her weight because she is heavier than you. When you talk about your “Watson Watermelon head” or “huge Sheffield feet” or “the Arrington hips” perhaps your daughter overhears this and immediately starts comparing her attributes to her friends.

A few months back, a friend told me that her little girl had asked something along the lines of “Mama, am I pretty?” My friend had worried if she had asked that because she had been told otherwise. The little girl was three at the time. Three. It hurt my heart to think that she was questioning her looks that young. To me, she is one of the most beautiful little girls in the world. I want her to grow up seeing herself as beautiful.

God created us all different. We come in all different shapes, sizes, skin tones, heights, etc. Every single one of us is beautiful and unique, and it’s time we see ourselves this way. In doing so, maybe we can pass a better perception of beauty onto the next generation. Perhaps we could project a better self-image onto our friends and loved ones.

So, even when we feel like we are looking frumpy, in sweats, with our hair clipped up, with no make-up on in the Walmart; remember…we are still beautiful.

He and I

So, I've asked y'all to join my love letter contest, and because of that, I wanted to share a bit of my story...it's not a love letter, but it's my story.


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I wasn’t ready. But looking back with a slightly more ripened perspective, I’m not sure I would’ve ever been ready. Sometimes the greatest things in life come in rather boisterously…yet, when they leave, they leave with a whisper; a whisper that is only felt over time as its lasting effects ripple through every aspect of your life and being.

It all started with a summer party. My head was filled with decorations, party favors and food; little did I know that within a week, my world would be shaken.

Later, long after that week had come and went, while I was looking at the photos from the party, I remember looking at a picture of myself smiling. Looking at that photo knocked the wind out of me. I so longed to tell that girl that thought she had forever, “Prepare yourself! A storm is coming.”

They say that the frontal lobe in our brain is to blame for the feeling of being invincible in our youth, because it isn’t fully developed. We tend to not understand the value of time until it has passed. I guess I had just thought that my time with him would be infinite; he would always be there.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t written in the stars. It was never meant to be. Sometimes the people we spend today with, we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow with. Losing him broke my heart and broke my spirit; but loving him…loving him was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

So here is my declaration of love:

I loved his voice; the deep Southern drawl that drew me in.

I loved his eyes; I loved watching him watching me when he had a million other things he needed to be doing.

I loved his smile…and the dimples, God I loved the dimples.

Beyond all of this, I loved his mind. His thoughts would make me laugh, make me think, or fascinate me.

I loved seeing the tender, compassionate side of an otherwise manly man.

I loved his heart. Despite the sometimes tough exterior, in it there was an honest, good man’s heart.

I loved the way he made me feel. Sometimes in an utter foul-mood funk, he would say something that instantly made me feel better.

I loved the way he made me feel strong, funny, confident, and attractive.

I loved that he never ceased to make me laugh.

I loved that when I felt like my life was in the midst of utter turmoil, he could say "Aleta, it's going to be okay," and I believed him.

I loved the way that he made me feel beautiful.

I loved and cherished the times he would open up and tell me his most personal stories and thoughts.

I loved the way that, even without the words having to be spoken, I knew how he felt about me.

I loved hearing him say “I love you.”

I still can’t bear to part with the ring that has the date that I realized I loved him engraved in it. Sometimes I wear it on my necklace so that it’s close to my heart. I wear it as a reminder.

Of course, I have been interested in others, but no man has ever measured up. How can you settle for mediocre, when you’ve loved someone so great?

People sometimes pity me. From the outside looking in, I am 26 and alone. Yes, I am 26. Yes, I am alone. In turn, I pity those that change lovers like they do their underwear. I have loved. I have loved hard. I have loved in the purest form. Don’t pity me. I was one of the lucky ones.



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Frustrations

One of my greatest frustrations is trying to breakthrough to someone, and never being able to.


Have you ever experienced that? Had a time where you tried so hard to care for someone, to let someone see the real you, to do nice things for someone, only for it to be a complete bust?

I have. This has been my experience: If you come off too nice, people tend to think you’re not genuine. If you try too hard, they think you’re weird or creepy. And given my ability to say something inappropriate at the worst possible time, these things have me beating my head against my desk.

People often say “Don’t put too much stock into what other people think.” And a lot of times, it’s true. But it can certainly be disheartening, when someone that you regard so highly and want to be friends with, has a rotten opinion of you.

I’ve went through this recently. Friends told me “just let it be, they’re just a jerk.” Yet, that left me feeling unsettled. Finally, someone explained to me that this person had been hurt in the past, and was just really reserved. Some of the things started to make a little more sense. At that point, most people would’ve just let it be. For me, it’s not so easy. Hearing that just kind of pulled at my heartstrings. I can’t fix things, but it hurts my heart to hear that. My hands are tied.

Despite my “crusty” exterior (as Jarrod Watson would say), I still have a soft heart with some people. And it does break my heart that 1. I can’t help this person. 2. This person didn’t get a good impression of me.

Best Love Letter

So, in my blogging, I had a request the other day. At the time, I kind of scoffed at the idea. I was asked to write about LOVE…While there are SO many things that can be written on that topic, I just was really not feeling it at the time.


Tonight as I sat here thinking of Valentines Day being right around the corner, I got an idea…

My mama and my best friend, Krystle’s, mama (Mrs. Katie) were friends in high school. Mama always had a crazy Katie story to tell me when I was growing up. She once told me of how she did a strip tease in class (she had put her newly-finished Home Ec garment over her regular clothes, but she liketa given the teacher a bloomin’ heart attack); she told me about the time Mrs. Katie had hidden in class, and the let the other student’s tell the teacher she’d crawled through a hole to get to the boys’ bathroom; and the time Mrs. Katie had written the mushiest love letter…

This got me to thinking…I’m going to turn Mr. Jeff’s idea about me writing about love on to y’all. And in doing so, I will have my first-ever, bona fide contest.

I’m giving y’all a month. I want the best love letter ever. Now, it can be mushy, it can be funny, it can be whatever y’all want (minus any explicit material…because I just don’t want to have to read all of that). And on February 11th, I will pick a winner and post your love letter on my blog.

What do you win, you ask?? I will bake you a dessert for you and your sweetheart to share. And I will throw in a $25 gift certificate to the Ivy House.

You can email me: missmargarita8604@yahoo.com or on facebook.

Now, y’all get to thinkin’…I’m super excited about this…

I will leave y’all with my favorite love letter quote ever, (Thanks, Mrs. Katie!!)

“When I see you, everything on me that’s rubber pops and rolls…”

Apologies make me queasy...

So, I have this problem… I’m stubborn. Sometimes I can be mean and hateful. Sometimes I jump to conclusions. Sometimes I’m overbearing and inadvertently push people away. Sometimes I'm rash.  Sometimes, I can be a teeeeeeny bit bossy. And sometimes, I hate apologizing.


However, that being stated, I feel like it’s the time that I need to do just that. I need to issue an apology to someone.

I would like to apologize to someone in particular for my actions:

I have tried too hard. Been too pushy. Worn my heart on my sleeve, and gotten my feelings hurt far too easily. For these things, I apologize. I will say, however, that I did care very, very much, and I still think the world of you. Perhaps that is why I went a little nuts for a little while. You are a wonderful person, and you didn't deserve to ride my crazy train. So, I'm sorry.

That is all…

That’s all I’ve got.

That moment when...

The moment when your favorite song comes on in the car and the person you’re riding with starts singing it….and you’re like “whoa nelly, this ain’t karaoke.”


The moment when you ask “how are you?” when you know damn well you’d rather be shot in the foot than have to listen to how that person is.

The “oh shit” moment when you realize that you didn’t check the caller ID before answering and it’s the person you’ve been trying to avoid.

That moment when you go to a football/basketball/baseball game and someone tries to talk to you about the game and you try to sound like you aren’t a complete sports imbecile. “Touchdown, right?” Oh, damn, this is basketball.

Along those lines…That moment when you start freaking out because you realize that you have now reached the age where at a basketball game between the alumni and high school team, you find yourself rooting for the alumni…and checking them out.

That moment when you run into someone who looks familiar, and try as you might, all you can think is “OMG, I know I’ve had a not-so-pleasant run-in with that person, but where?? Where??”

That moment when you want to be Amish, just because Levi from Amish Mafia (the fakest reality tv show ever) is adorable.

That moment when you see a fine lookin’ man, and then he opens his mouth and he’s got the most seductive Southern drawl you’ve ever heard…then you find out he’s a Junior in high school. Which is then followed by that moment when you think “Well, damn, they didn’t make them like that when I was in high school.”  And then...then, you feel like a pedofile.

That moment when you realize what the songs you used to listen to as a child were really about (For some it might be nursery songs, for me it’s all of Garth Brooks’ songs. Lol).

That moment when you’re sweating like a whore in church while Christmas shopping because the FLORIDA store you’re in has a temperature setting based off of its home office…which is in Alaska, where it’s -40 degrees outside.

That moment when you’re rooting for someone to cuss…to just let it out; because if you hear one more “for mercy’s sake” you’re going to punch them in the face.

That moment when, you just want to sit under your desk at work and smoke a cigarette.

That moment when you think “Why go through all of the headache of taking down your Christmas tree? I could decorate it up for Valentine’s Day, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas would roll around again eventually. Why don’t we just leave that shit up?”

That moment when you’re all crabby and you see someone you don’t like and think “she better not speak to me…she’d better not do it.” Then, the person who has earned your disdain says “Hello” or “How are you?” and you smile all the while thinking, “Bitch, I will punch you in the throat.”

For Heather Easley: That moment when you are about to die of a heat stroke…like you have sweat dripping down your back and your coworker turns on her space heater. Lol :)

Things Chappin' my butt in 2013

Well, it’s 2013, and people are already workin’ my last nerve. Here are just a few things that are chappin’ my broad butt right now:


• For the love of Snooki, I wish people would put a dang “lol” or two in an email when they’re joking. Now, granted, the lack of voice inflection in a text/email/IM has gotten me in some real doozies. And I have unintentionally upset more than a handful of people that way. Now, having been on the other side of that for…oh, say six months. I can COMPLETELY understand! OMG, if you’re joking, clue this girl in. My word, I’m beginning to expect a dour robot when I run into you on the street.

• Perky people. Let me just say, my New Year’s Resolution was NOT to become a nicer, friendlier, more bubbly person. I will never pop out of bed and be Little Miss Sunshine. In fact, my mama will always call me her Little Raincloud. :) hahaha.

• So, y’all might’ve taken note that I sometimes, maybe, kinda have a problem keeping my mouth shut, right? You might have also noted that I also sometimes think that inappropriate things are hilarious; and given the opportunity, I also tend to add some “spice” to my sentences….(I also like to think of them as “sentence enhancers”). Well, dear Lord, as much as I try to make people laugh on facebook, I still get some criticism for language or the things I say. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s fine. But if you don’t find humor in my day to day life and postings, either hide me, or delete me. Sad but true.

• Men. I’ll probably have much more to say on this subject in an upcoming blog.

• Holy Mimosas, I am already sick of people talking about their diets. Lord, if you want to diet, go right ahead. I’m trying to make some changes my own self, but goodness gracious, that’s not the only thing I can talk about, either. Despite what you might think, I don’t have to hear all you ate for breakfast, or hear about your not-so-appetizing lunch. And I especially don’t have to try your new, wonderful side dish that’s only 50 calories a serving. That’s awesome and all…but don’t tell me how wonderful it is. I’d probably need 5 servings to fill me up, and besides, it tastes like slime on seaweed.

I’ve got more irritations to come. However, this is only the 2nd day of 2013, so if I complain too much, y’all might find me to be a crusty old lady :) And “ain’t nobody got time for dat.”