Aleta's Mini Manual

You know, as I am getting older, I’m starting to realize more about who I am as a person. I’m accepting all the craziness, and realizing that (when you look at both sides of my family) I really never had a chance to be normal.

Therefore, I am going to put my first installment to the Aleta’s Mini Manual, for those close to me. This way, you’ve had fair warning on 1) how to perk me up, 2) how I am, and 3) my peculiarities.

Aleta’s Mini Manual (first of many installments)

1). How to perk me up.—for when I am sad or just plain having a bad day.

a) Offer to throw something, hurt, or give evil glares at anyone that’s either pissed me off or hurt me.
b) Tell me I’m not a bad person.
c) Make me laugh
d) Tell me I won’t always be alone.
e) For the heck of it, tell me I look pretty.
f) Pass me a drink.

These things pretty much cover all the bases.

2). How I am

a) I’m not good in an actual crisis. If someone is really hurt, or something tragic has happened, I’m probably not the one that can help you. I’ll freak out.

b) I’m prone to being bitchy, anxiety, panic attacks, and smart ass-icism.

c) I hate when people continue to talk to me when it is evident that I’m not listening or just don’t care.

d) I love men that can actually sing. I used to give guys credit for trying, now I just shake my head at them.

e) One thing can piss me off in the beginning of the day and I’ll be mean the rest of the day.

f) I don’t like to drive. Especially in the city. And I have the worst case of road rage…ever.

g) My language is really, really bad. Though I try to control my tongue, it would literally take a muzzle for me to stop.

h) I have no patience.
i) I’m very much a creature of habit.
j) Sometimes I push people away if I think that I’m getting too close to them.

3). My peculiarities

a) I have to check the stove, oven, toaster, and my hair straigtener 4 times (to make sure they are turned off/unplugged) before I will leave my house.
b) I listen to Christmas music year-round.
c) I am “broke-d-ded” (as my mom calls it). I try to find something funny in every sad story that is told to me or in every sad situation. Which can be really bad…and hurt people’s feelings.
d) I won’t watch some of my favorite movies because they are more of a “dramatic” film than a comedy. (once again, I don’t have it in me to handle sad).
e) One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is other people being late.
f) Another Big pet peeve is people that use the same phrases in every conversation. Or use phrases wrong. I want to shake them and be like “NO!”
g) I’m not a fan of people, that I’m not close with, touching me.
h) If I ever hear the 21-gun salute (in movies, shows, or at funerals) I will start crying.
i) I like to watch cartoons.

This is the first installment. Just a few things I’ve learned about myself. There will be more. Be warned :)

Sleepin’ with a switchblade

This is one of those “You might be a redneck…” stories

My sister has takin’ to sleeping with her switchblade. Why, you ask? Apparently a few roads over from ours, a little old lady woke up to a man standing by her bed. When she screamed, he ran away (thank the Lord!). This thoroughly scared my sister. Can you blame her?? So, now she sleeps with her knife in hand (lets pray she doesn’t cut herself). And believe you me, if you wake and startle her, she will cut a b****. :) But really, how sad is it that all this crime has been going on recently?

On that same note, I was telling my friend Sam how I had been having some problems with someone. Her first suggestion…she offered to show me how to use her pistol. Haha. Kidding of course…but seriously. She cracks me up.
You know you’re a redneck…

Saga of Miss Smarty Pants

I’ve decided to start another blog. Mainly due to the fact that I thought of a snazzy new title. I hereby dedicate this blog to every stupid idiot that I happen to come into contact with on a daily basis. This one's for you. I’m also going to put the crazy a** thoughts that pass through my mind everyday. While completely inappropriate most of the time, and not quite “P.C.,” they might just get people thinking…

I give you…. “Saga of Miss Smarty Pants.” (http://sagaofmisssmartypants.blogspot.com/)

--Hopefully, I will be able to post my first post tonight :) But I will continue to write in this blog as well.

My new project

Well, I started making these for Christmas presents, and they turned out so cute that I decided to make them to sell. This is what I've been working on for several weeks now.

This is the "Go-Go Juice Cookbook: Recipes for when your

get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone."

This is the "Oh Shoot! He stayed the night! Cookbook: Recipes for midnight snacks and breakfast"

"Southern Hospitality: Simple recipes for feeding the masses

when you'd rather jump off a cliff"

"Just Desserts: Forget the meat and potatoes and head straight for the goodies"

These are just fun little cookbooks that I’ve had a blast making. I am going to try to sell them at the Winter Festival in Chiefland on December 6th. But there are a few places that I might try to put them around Chiefland. We will see :) But as soon as I know, I’ll post it on here. Each of them have around 20 recipes, so they are not overly big, but they are fun.
There are a few others that I’m working on right now. The “Love your curves cookbook: recipes that make your elastic pop and roll,” “All-American Dishes,” “Chocolate: God’s gift to women,” and “The Wild Chick Cookbook: Recipes for the chick-a-tarian” are yet to come.