Sunday, October 24, 2010

My Mama the Ebonics Instructor

This was too funny not to share.

Usher now apparently has one of those American Cancer Society commercials where he sings “Happy Birthday.” To be honest, the first few times that I saw the (Justin Bieber and Keith Urban ones) commercials, it made me want to cry. No more.

So I walked into the room this afternoon right after the Usher commercial. This is how the conversation went:

Mama: “Aleta, who’s Shawny?”
Me: “What??”
Mama: “There was just some rapper singing ‘Shawny, Happy birthday to you’.”
I said, “Mama, if it was some rapper, I’m sure it was ‘Shawty’ not ‘Shawny.’”
Mama: “What does that even mean?”
Rheba piped in… “Almost all rappers use that in at least one of their songs.”
Mama’s like, “Shawty. You’s my peep. You prolly gonna be there after my incarceration.”

O.M.G. Before you think my mama is stereotyping…she was totally making fun of me b/c once after listening to some song on 105.3 I had to ask her what ‘incarcerated’ was (mind you, I was a teenager).

So, tonight, we were sitting out in her stamping room and the commercial came on again. I walk out of the room for a minute, when I return, I hear my mama singing…

“Shawty, it’s your birthday…Happy Birthday, Shawty…Happy birthday to you.”

Oh. Dear. Jesus. I about died. What am I going to do with her?? LOL!

And on that note, my mama is now going around singing “What I like.…What I like….What I like.” We were watching the lovely channel RFDTv this week, while the FFA National Convention was on. There was a group that sang the song “What I like about you.” The back-up singer, who was very very flat to say the least (a/k/a couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket) would only sing “What I like…..What I like….” So, mom now does her impression of him in this deep, creepy voice…all. The. Time. It is hilarious.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A case of the Uglies

Have you ever had a week (or month) where you just KNOW you look like fido’s butt? You’re still gettin’ up and “paintin’ the barn,” as my preacher would say, but it sure ain’t pretty? This is how I’m feeling right now.

I think old age is settin’ in y’all. For real. I wake up every morning feeling like I got into a fight with a chimpanzee during the middle of the night. My back aches, my neck aches, and I would rather just put the covers back over my head and wake up in 2012. I stumble, and I do mean stumble considering the disaster area that is my room, to my bathroom. I gaze into the mirror and think “Oh dear Jesus.” I’m getting wrinkles in between my eyebrows…no doubt from giving a million “hairy eyeballs.” It is just not pretty. I used to LOVE to do my makeup, now it’s become more of a chore than anything. I’m using the same old shades, despite the fact that I just bought four packs of new eyeshadows. If I could be like the cast of Jersey Shore and wear my sunglasses indoors, I’m certain it would brighten my mood.

And don’t get me started on my wardrobe. I have fell into the “wear it because it’s comfortable” phase. We’re talking hair up in a ponytail, jeans, t-shirt (the “of-the-Hanes-variety” with something ironed-on it…whether it be “Savannah,” my B.S. shirt, or my Cow-tipping shirt, really, they’re all the same), and flip-flops.

And the uglies hasn’t just stopped with my wardrobe, hair, and makeup…it’s attacked my (gulp) social skills as well. FOR example, I have a magnet inside of me that attracts people with problems. And, I have a neon sign that flashes “I care” when these people come near me. Need I remind you of the lady that showed me her tax bill and complained to me about how her property taxes were done all wrong. –Mind you, I still work at the Journal and have NO IDEA how any of this related to me-- Then, she told me how she was going to strike it big selling concrete molds to make garden gnomes. Anywho, back to my point…I can’t even PRETEND to care anymore. I can’t carry on mindless babble (aka small talk) conversations.

It’s bad. Really bad. Let’s hope this case of the uglies goes away soon.

Oh, on a happy note, I DID get my ears pierced again last weekend. Now that the stinging has stopped, I am quite pleased with the outcome. Now I have 3 holes in one ear and 2 in the other. So I can check that off my to-do list.

BTW, considering the state I’m in and the cluelessness on attire currently, What in heck would you wear to a Fiddlin’ Concert??

Yes, I, Aleta Kaylee, will be attending the Fiddlin’ Concert tomorrow night. What to wear?...What to wear?

Friday, October 8, 2010

Turning two and Poh-ta-bots

Well, y’all, one of my favorite little people turned 2 today :)

At first sight, Miss Allie Claire Mizell had me wrapped around her little finger. I felt as antsy as the family probably felt days before she was born. Which is funny, because up until then, I had never really liked kids. I just couldn’t wait to meet this little girl. I can remember Carrie bringing her into the Journal just days after she was born and my. heart. was. won.

...And don't get me started on when she told me "I La You" or when she called me "Leeeeeda, Leeeeeeda." Blessed my heart!

One of the perks of my job would definitely have to be getting to see Allie Claire and Gus and getting to hear all the funny stories about them. I know that my friends probably get sick of hearing all the stories, especially since most of them have never met the famous duo. I think pretty much everything those two do is just darling or the funniest thing ever. What can I say? I’m the smitten “adopted” Aunt. :)

Is this purse cute or what??

Well, this year, while looking on the Vera Bradley site, I found something that Miss Allie Claire certainly could not live without. The cutest little purse ever! I also found her some hair bows and Little Critter book (I LOVE the Little Critter Series), a gift card to Chick-Fil-A after I heard of her recent French fry addiction :) and a Dora the Explorer sticker book. Boy, she seemed thrilled with the stickers. She even decorated Mr. John’s check book binder…I’m sure he’ll chuckle when he sees Dora and Boots all over it on Monday.

Amazed with the 276 Dora and Boots Stickers :)

Later on, she went searching for her hair bows, and wanted several in her hair. Carrie was busy on the phone, so I wanted to entertain myself…I mean her. Hehe. First, she wanted the pink one…then the “Poh-ta-bot one”…How cute is that?!!!

Then, the little Miss decided she wanted to talk on the phone. Doesn’t she look like a good secretary??--Please note the sippy cup in her hand. To that I would like to say "Darlin', sometimes I want to drink at work too..." haha.

I hope that Miss Allie has the most wonderful birthday ever and I hope that she knows that she is a very special, very loved, little girl.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Cold-hearted morons

Well, y’all, I’m aggravated. Once again. This afternoon, I opened my email up and one of the headlining news articles was about the people that protest soldiers’ funerals. I don’t know about y’all…but just the thought of that INFURIATES me.

In the pictures that went with the article, they stand there, across from the church or funeral and hold signs saying “Thank God for dead soldiers,” “God hates America,” and “Thank God for IEDs.” OMG! It makes me SO angry!!!! They hide behind their “Freedom of Speech.” Yes, sure, you have your right to free speech. HOWEVER, I don’t feel that you have the right to protest a funeral. What are you accomplishing anyways?? And what kind of person would do that? How can you not feel sympathy for a family that has just lost their son/daughter/sibling/relative/friend, because they chose to fight for our country?

In closing this rant, let me mention two things: Do they not realize that the First Amendment that is protecting them, was brought into place because soldiers fought and DIED for us to have the freedom that we do have? AND If they think that God hates America so much, why are they still here???

Frankly, my dears, I believe we’re dealing with a bunch of cold-hearted morons here.