Warning Labels

Ok, so….Last night, I went to Gainesville with Sami Jo. We ALWAYS find something to laugh about, which is great because I needed it this week. Well, as we were driving to Gainesville last night (we had to go to JoAnne’s and Michaels) Sam told me a story that almost made me pee my pants. –Word of caution here…I have a sick sense of humor….and I LOVE a “homegrown” story.

So, a lady that lives in OUR area caught her face on fire by smoking while using her oxygen tank. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

REALLY? (as I sit here shaking my head in shame, yet laughing at her stupidity). What in the h was she thinking?? Has she ever read the warning labels? PLUS, the smoking has probably not been so good to you in your lifetime…hence, YOU BEING ON OXYGEN!

I’m sorry, but this reminded me of Uncle Joe on Madea goes to Jail. Of course, he was smoking marijuana. But I digress….Wouldn’t the story of that lady catching her face on fire make for a great Country song??

Sing this to the tune of Grandma got run over by a reindeer. “Mama got blown up by her oxygen tank…while smoking a cig before her bingo game last night? Some may say those tanks aren’t flammable, but that’s why my mama lost her sight”

Ok, so that’s not the finished product by a long shot…but I’ll keep working on it.

Anyways, I found a website that listed some warnings that REALLY shouldn’t have to be put on products. Too funny. But really, if you think about it, I wonder what idiot MADE them put that warning on the product??

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.---(OK, on this one, I will say that I am that idiot…Recently someone came into the journal wanting to copy an image onto edible paper-to put on a cake-…well, Thank GOD I wasn’t helping her, because I wouldn’t have even thought about the ink being toxic. Could you imagine telling your daughter 10 years down the road that 7 of the 10 people that went to her first birthday party wound up in the hospital for eating toxic ink. I completely don’t laugh at the mother that came into our office though…because I didn’t think of it either :)

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. (Ummmmmmmmm??????????)

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. (Which reminds me….if people think that I’d be best to not get a tazer…maybe a can of mace would be better??)

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

“Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. (There have been times in my life that I might have tried this…possibly when in the presence of family members that I don’t like)

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. (JAMS—the group of us that committed our first federal offense together-- knows this for a fact…we attempted to steal a road sign with a car jack when we were 16…didn’t work)

"Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert. (Tell that to the woman that ran over her husband 7 times, she didn’t get the memo).

"Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box

For more of these, go to http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml They are hilarious. They made my day.