What the....

So, lately I’ve had quite a bit going on and haven’t had much that I felt I could post about. I still won’t go into depth with those things, but I would like to share some of the crazy things that I’ve heard/dealt with in the past few weeks.

First I will tell you about the phone call that I received on Friday morning. This is how the conversation went.

Riiiiinnnnngggg
Me: “Good morning. Journal. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Hello?!...Hello?!...Hell-o!?”
Me: (a little louder) “Good morning. Journal. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Who is this??”
Me: (even a little louder, and impatiently…I might add) “THIS IS THE JOURNAL, HOW CAN I HELP YOU!!!”
Caller: “Is _____ there??”
Me: “He is, but he’s on the other line.”
Caller: “Will he be in this afternoon.”
Me: “Yes, sir! He IS HERE right now, he’s just on the other line.”
Caller: “he’s on the other what?”
Me: (really losing any remaining patience I had) “I said he’s on the other line. He’s talking to someone else on the other phone line!”
Caller: “Oh, I’m sorry…my reception is bad. I just dropped my phone in the commode a few minutes ago.”

……………????????? I will say here that I am not knocking the man for dropping his phone in the toilet…I’ve done it myself. But I deemed mine un-useable after that, just on principle.

Have I ever mentioned that my dad is a completely shameless redneck, and he’s never gonna change??

So,…we were sitting there watching Hee-Haw tonight. Yes, you read right…Hee-Haw. We have/are forced to watch it every Sunday night at 8 p.m. on the RFDtv channel (…unless we boot-scoot out to the additional room and watch that tv). RFDtv is proof that God is still working on me. He’s “helping” me work on my patience for sure (plus, I’m sure this gives Him a laugh once a week). Frankly, every time Hee-Haw comes on I have the sudden urge to find a plastic knife and slit my wrists. But I digress…. We were watching Hee-Haw, the dumbest show in the history of Television, when Dad pulls out his dentures and starts looking at them. He says, and I quote, “I think I have a cavity.” Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm……..ok, dad. I swear to goodness….

Oh, and we got a note sent to us from the funeral home. It started out “You’re at a crossroads in your life…” I think my response as my mom sat in front of me reading it was “What the HELL are they sending that for?” Classy, I know. All I could think is…they sure are trying to recruit people early, aren’t they.

BTW, the past two nights I’ve fallen asleep in the living room, only to wake up about 3:30 and stumble back to my room. Well, last night, my sister went to sleep wearing a hoodie because she was so cold. Well, at about 3 a.m., as I was sleeping sitting up on the couch, my sister stood in front of me and shook my knee to wake me up. I looked up and saw a hooded figure standing over me and freaked. I won’t write here the words that came out of my mouth…but y’all can imagine. She scared me so bad that the coffee mug sitting in my lap nearly got flung at her. I think we both learned a lesson with this.