Its NOT that COMPLICATED!!!

What do women really want? I believe Adam probably wondered this about Eve in the Garden of Eden. It seems as if this question has been plaguing men since the dawn of time. Really, I don’t see any of it as being that difficult. I won’t speak for all women, but here are a few of the things that women want. Although I am single, I have been around a ton of couples, and had enough past experience to give a few suggestions.

--There are some women that really seem to be into this whole “feminizing men” bit, but most of us would like a guy who is not girlier than we are. Prime example: a guy watching a chick flick with you can be very sweet (especially if you didn’t have to jab him in the ribs and give him the stink eye to agree to it), but a guy who goes to the Blockbuster, willingly chooses a chick flick and then proceeds to sob (way more than you) is a bit much.

--It is also good to not make drastic decisions without our consent (an example being, buying a 4-wheeler out of joint account without mentioning it beforehand).

--Although it is perfectly fine to take the reins now and then, it is not ok to talk to us as if we’re your minions. Talk to us, not at us.

--If you are sick, most likely we will cater to your every whim (cough cough, guys are big babies, cough…And NO ONE has EVER been as sick as they have). We aren’t asking for you to bring us peeled grapes on a silver platter, but if we should fall ill with the epizootie…don’t ask us to run to the store to buy you some damn Doritos.

--I promise I won’t linger here, for fear of being redundant. But for crying out loud, if you’ve used all but the last square of toilet paper, REPLACE it!

--Don’t correct us, or yell at us to mention something (unless utterly important), while we are talking on the phone with someone else.

--Don’t throw your hands in the air and say “I can’t listen to you talk about this anymore,” when we’ve heard you b**** about the same thing for hours on end. Your griping is no better than ours, mister.

--A little affection in public is welcome. Making it obvious that we’re a couple is FINE. Holding hands, putting arm around, etc. is sweet. However, grabbing ass or any form of groping is a little much in public. If it gets to that point, it might just be time to take it to the house.

--If EVER you are picking on us and we give you a look where one eyebrow is raised with a death glare underneath it (not a come-hither look)…that is your cue…we want you to stop. If you get the finger or the brush-off, you’ve probably went a little too far.

--Along those same lines…If ever we say that we don’t want to talk about it. We don’t want to talk about it. If you continue to push, this may result in something similar to the ABC Pizza Parking Lot Throwdown of 2009. Errr….still fuming over that one. (Did I ever mention that occasionally I’m good at keeping a grudge??)

--We’re also not really fond of the whole backseat driver bit. If I’m going the speed limit, and there happens to be a stop sign ¾ of a mile down the road, I DO NOT want/need you to scream “STOP!” like a little girl (making me slam on brakes in the middle of a road, making me fear you've just had a heart attack, when it's just the stop sign that is still a good distance away).

--Sometimes, we like to find things out on our own. You may have the foresight to see that it won’t work out, but we still need to give it a go ourselves. And it would be friggen sweet, when it doesn’t work, to not rub that in our faces. Just a suggestion.

--Getting to talk to you once/a couple times a day is good. Calling fourteen million times a day is a little excessive. Give us time to miss you. We don't have to hear that you just cut your thumbnail to the quick. We MAY need to hear if you've just whacked your finger off with a knife and are headed to the E.R.

--Most of us LOVE to gossip or, rather, we like to "share information". We like knowing what’s going on around us, who’s with who, who got busted last weekend for whatever, and so on and so forth. Please for the love of pickles don’t scold us when we are gossiping OR give us that bull on “only women gossip”. That’s a pile of horse malarkey. You know you boys talk too…

--The answer to the “Do I look fat” question should always be answered with a firm “no.” It does not matter if we look like we’ve been sucked into a sausage casing, we ALWAYS want you to answer this question with “no.” Even if it’s a little (or big) white lie.

--It is really, really annoying to us when guys assume that when we’re moody or irritable it’s “our time of the month.” It may/may not be, but really, that is a line that you need not cross. I had a friend once that had thoroughly pissed me off with his tactlessness, and when I had the audacity to get mad at him, he turned to me and said “Is it your time of the month? Why are you mad?” Needless to say, at the time it wasn’t, and he nearly got shot. Don't blame everything on mother nature. Sometimes, it's just you, that pisses us off.

These are just some of the things that women want/don’t want. As you can see, we aren’t that hard to de-code.