The misery of wallowing...

I don’t know about y’all, but I have the hardest time letting things go.

To give you a brief intro to this blog, I’ve been in a funk the last couple of weeks. Though it’s not too different when I’m in a good mood, there has been: an excessive amount of eye-rolling at customers, smart remarks, an overwhelming sense of blah, and a general befuddled daze here-recently. I can’t sleep, I can’t relax, and I can’t study. (BTW, I’m trying SO hard to study for the GRE, which I will be taking next Wednesday afternoon…so this presents a problem).

I don’t know if this has ever happened for you. Have you ever prayed and asked God for something, He answers, and you’re still not happy? You have the best intentions when asking for God to take it from you, but when He does, you’re left empty?

I have been dealing with this since probably April. I know that this was for the best, I know it. But honestly, my heart wants to believe that it’s not. What girl hasn’t dealt with the struggle between her heart and her head?

HOWEVER, I’ve just “begrudgingly” started a bible study with some lovely ladies at church. I only say “begrudgingly” because when I was reminded that my friend had signed me up (a/k/a I had completely forgotten about it), my GRE studying was well underway, and I began to panic on how I would find the time. I’ve managed to squeeze it in, and I’m very happy that I have.

God has a sense of humor. Ironically the Beth Moore study “A woman’s heart” is JUST what I needed to be studying. I’m only on week 2, but …Wow. Moses had led the Israelites out of Egypt and they were having to rely on God to find their way, for food, for water. Every time, God provided. Nevertheless, after being given food and water, they complained because it wasn’t “as good” as the food that they had had in Egypt. I began to feel sheepish while reading it. I, too, had asked God for something. He has listened, and made a way…yet, I am still complaining.

There was another thing that really stood out to me this week. God will heal the brokenhearted, but often times, the brokenhearted person isn’t willing to cooperate. Ummm…Amen? I wanted so bad to have this situation “fixed,” but I’m still wallowing. And I do mean wallowing…we’re talking the kind of mood that shopping and ice cream can’t fix. The kind of wallowing that makes me hit repeat on a sad song over and over and causes crying in the shower (don't pretend like you haven't done this, too...lol).

I won’t say that this will end overnight, there’s a lot inside of me that needs to mend, but I need to try. God took this stumbling block from my life...and did it in a way that was graceful and only He could do. I need to have faith that this is God’s will. He is going to help me get through this, mend my broken heart, and show me the path I need to take. I’m in good hands (different from the Allstate commercial lol), and I need to trust that AND cooperate.