Monday, November 29, 2010

My fears

So, to start this post out, I’m going to say that I am stressed. Stressed, Anxiety-ridden, near hives, and near panic attack are all terms that could be used here. Why, you ask? Because I am going to start school again. I got my “FSU Card” in the mail on Saturday and that is what has me freaking out. It all sounded good in theory, but now I’m beginning to freak out a bit and it’s just not good. This has led me to realize some of my fears. (Some school-related and some not).

1. Fear of Commitment. This is a biggie. First off, I have signed on to spend the next year and a half (hopefully that’s all it will take) in school. This isn’t a long time in the whole scheme of things…but I still feel like I’m signing my life (until May 2012) away. Not only that, but now I’m going to have to designate a good chunk of my income to student loans (which, thankfully, I’ve never had to do before). This may mean no vacations, no frivolous purchases for myself, and (enter scary music and a scream here) …a budget. Bleh. This is a big thing for me and I’m a little scared.

2. Fear of failure. I did really well at both LCCC and Saint Leo. In fact, I became a bit of a perfectionist when it came to class work and grades. In high school, I would never ask questions because I might’ve appeared dumb. Plus, high school was more of a social event for me; I got decent grades, but never really had to work for them. In college, that was a different story. Yes, the term “grade grubber” comes to mind. It is fair to say that I drove my teachers nuts in order to find out/figure out what I needed to make the best grades possible…and I did. I worked my keester off to maintain a good gpa. Now, I’m going to be taking classes that don’t directly relate to what my Bachelor’s degree is in. What if I don’t do so hot?

3. (unrelated to school) Fear of closeness. I’ve realized recently that I have an issue with this. I tend to push people away when they get too close. Actually, it’s a big flaw of mine. This is weird, but I hate for people to know everything about me. As I was telling a friend last night, I worry that I’m going to wind up alone, like some person on the show Hoarders, in a room filled with pillowcase dresses and cheesecake bars (my new weakness). If I post all my projects from the past few weekends, you’ll understand the latter.

Yes, I’m a completely screwed up individual :) I realize this now. Lol.

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend…and if you went Black Friday shopping, I hope that you actually got what you wanted if you had to stand in line (otherwise, it’s just not fun).

Tomorrow I intend on posting my recent projects, and my black Friday finds. All I can say, girls, is that Aleta is plum tuckered out after this past weekend.


  1. Well. I suppose i'll quit calling the journal and quit writing in your wall...I don't want to scare you away, Homeskillet, cause I think I love ya! Seriously though, give it up...all of it, the fears, worry, hives...give it up! God has bigger shoulders than you, He wants all that! Let Him take it!

  2. Amen and Amen on Crystal's comment. I say this, you are one smart cookie and you will do great at FSU (though here, NOT in Tallahassee!) When all else fails leave work early and study while eating a cheesecake bar....I had not heard of these, but I am intrigued!!!

  3. BACK TO SCHOOL?!?? That's a huge move! You'll do great, Aleta! Good Luck with the budget, that's always the hardest part for me!! :)