How to flirt while at work...

This has been a question plaguing me lately. I mean, really, how do you do it? Now, to give you a little bit of a back story… I’ve spent the last few months fluctuating from feeling like I was going crazy to that feeling you have when you slam your hand in a car door. Don’t ask (said rolling my eyes). But lately, I think that my blood is running hot again. Lol. As bad as it might sound, I find this to be a GOOD thing. Darlin’, anything is better than despair in my book. So, a decent-looking guy came in the office the other day and I thought “hmmmm….” But because I most often work with guys towards the end of the week, how does one go about flirting with a customer? Let’s be honest here, I feel like it would be very obvious to even try to flirt here. First off, Wednesday through Friday, in the office, you can typically hear a pin drop. Secondly, whether it be because I’m not a morning person, not a good customer service person, or what have you…I typically play the roll of angry secretary #1 here at the office. So, adding a little spring to my step, or even smiling/being nice to the customers might be out of character for me. What, oh, what is a girl to do?

Next Question, as mentioned on my facebook, I completely understand a man not wearing a wedding ring b/c he might lose his finger on equipment. But when they don’t wear one, it is VERY HARD for single girls to know whether they’re married or not w/o asking or asking around.

Any suggestions?

God, grant my doctor the wisdom to up my medicine and refill my prescription

This hasn’t JUST started happening…I have felt for a while that sometimes I find myself in situations befitting the Twilight Zone series. Tonight was one of those nights…

My mom and I had been invited to attend a little show tonight at the Country Club. There were a few vendors there and it would give us some ideas for Christmas…so we decided to go. We got there and had fun chit-chatting with Katie, Mrs. Char, and Mrs. Tracey. After discussing Pampered Chef with Katie, my mama honed in on the Stampin’ Up table (of course!). She was busy making a lady bug candy bag, while I looked through Mrs. Char’s Christmas cards. I made the comment “See, Mama, I should just pay Mrs. Char to make my Christmas cards for me.” Mrs. Char laughed and I explained that I had gotten Mama to make my cards last year, because the year before, when I had made them myself, I heard some comments from Mama. Comments like: “Oooh, Aleta, I wouldn’t have used those colors together.” “Aleta, I would’ve done those differently.” What can I say, I don’t have the eye and it is SO hard to live up to the awesomely creative crafter that IS my mama. So, we laugh about it now. I just say “I can’t do anything to please her when it comes to making cards,” and laugh it off. It is a joke between us. Now, I told you that to tell you this…

After making my comment about having Mrs. Char make my cards because my mama hassles me, I had this very strange lady approach me. I hope to goodness she never reads this blog, and I hope I don’t offend anyone that may know her, but by George I think she must’ve smoked quite a bit of pot in her day. (know this—this was a very one-sided conversation, seeing as how I couldn’t get a word in edgewise; half the time I didn’t know what to say, and it was hard to say anything when she started laughing like Fran the Nanny…I just stood in amazement).

She says to me, “Honey, I had the same type relationship with my mama. She was never satisfied with what I did. Heck, even when I was little, she would stop me in my sewing projects and say ‘just let me do it, you’re going too slow.’ Here’s what I think, you’re a cold color person, aren’t you? (I’m baffled at what she’s even talking about) You like bluish reds, right? (I guess???) I bet your mother is a warm colored person; she likes orangish-reds. (Ok, and the point is??) That is why you clash. I used to do color analysis on people. I just know these things. (Ahhh….so you’re a fruit loop). –Might I add here that I have a wonderful relationship with my mama—“That is why y’all don’t get along.” Haaaaaaaaaaaaa (nasaly as Fran). “See, at 49, I told my mama ‘The reason we never got along is because you always wanted a perfect child. How could you make a perfect child? You and dad were stubborn people. You couldn’t have a PERFECT child. But see, she’s always favored my middle sister. Hello! They didn’t hold her to the same standards they held me to. And that is why we always clashed. Once she realized that that was what her problem was, she really didn’t have much time to work on it, though. She died a short time after that.” (WTH?) –And I will add here that I have no idea in H how this conversation steered in this direction—

“I used to be not only a one-ton Sue. But a two-ton Sue. I’ve always had a weight issue (should I begin to get offended here??...yes, I think so). Here’s where the issue with my weight happened at… My family used to own a grocery store. And every Sunday, we would go over to my Grandma’s for lunch. She was one of those old-time cooks. She would make not only one meat, but she would make like chicken, pork, AND beef. And she would get offended when you didn’t try a little of everything. I would go ‘ugggggghhhh, I’m stuffed, Grandma.’ Literally, we would be SOOO full and she would say ‘I don’t know why y’all think you have a problem with weight.’” HAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

“Now I really miss them though. I would take them back with all their problems if I could.”

By the time the conversation had come to a close, my eyes were literally bugging out of my head.

I swear, as soon as she latched onto someone else, I decided to run. I did feel sorry for the lady who’d just earned herself a parasite, but hey, I had to save myself, right?

What. The. Heck??????? Again I say, I am a nut-magnet! And why, oh why, do people think I care? Is my psychology degree written somewhere on me, only visible to crazy people? I just don’t understand!!!

Grover and the Darlings

I posted this as FB post earlier, and Crystal insisted on a blog post. I’m happy to oblige.

Last night, I was sitting at my computer, minding my own business, when my mama comes up and sits down next to me. She has a Grover the Great book (Grover…as in the Sesame Street blue, fuzzy monster). She starts reading it to me. ???? The best part of this is that it had a finger puppet Grover which she had to act out with. She read a few pages and I just looked at her like “WTH???” She’s like “I just thought it was cute.”…Either she is (not-so) subtly telling me that she desperately wants grandkids …or she’s going nuts. I’m going with the latter. First Shawty, now Grover the Great?? Any suggestions on any good “homes” to put her in?? hehehe…just kidding. Where would I get my blog material?

I have been meaning to post about this, but honestly, I kept forgetting. A few weeks ago we went to see Jake Krack and his band play. It was my very first Fiddlin’ Concert y’all. Not only was it a Fiddlin’ Concert…it was the Florida Fiddler’s Association Convention. KW and I decided to step outside the box a little and get some “culture.” …Ok, yes, there was a cute guy involved, too.

As always, any trip with KW winds up being an adventure. We had begun planning for this “event” a couple of weeks in advance. I wondered…what does one wear to a Fiddlin’ concert?? I settled with a plaid shirt and jeans. :) Once we got there, we had a great debate in my car as to whether or not we would actually go in. I imagined 50 old people staring us down as we walked in. We determined that if that were the situation, I would SO say that I was with the paper…which seemed like a pretty good excuse to be there…right?? Well, we were the youngest ones there at first, but that might not have been why they were looking at us. I tripped going up the stairs, y’all. That first step was mighty tricky. We got inside, and our fears became reality when we realized that, other than grandchildren (who did not look so happy to be there, btw), we were two of the maybe four young people there.

We took our seats while the band was warming up. People were chatting and shuffling about. Kw leaned in to say “I just want to ask him if he’s single.” Yeah, the instant she started saying that, the room got quiet. Lord, help.

The situation got funnier and funnier as the night went on. KW had the unibomber sitting close to her and he kept getting up and walking to the back every few minutes. A lady in front of me somehow whipped out an ice pack during the middle of the concert to ice down her hand. And the guy sitting beside her had slumped down sideways and looked as if he might’ve been dead. I kind of wanted to poke him. I got a case of the giggles during the concert. It was one of those times where you nearly suffocate trying to calm yourself down. I hoped they didn’t think I was laughing at them, because the band did an excellent job. In fact, for some reason, they reminded me of the Darlings off of Andy Griffith. The music was great, and I must say, I’ve never seen such fast fiddlin’, but because I have a very untrained ear, a lot of the songs sounded the same. Towards the end, we were entertained by some “flat-footing” (a type of dancing that is popular where they are from). All I can say to that is “Wow.”

Later, we went to tell the band that they had done an excellent job. We talked to the banjo player for a minute. He asked if we were returning the following night to go to the square dance. Though the offer was very sweet, we both had to decline. See, if they were the ones playing for the square dance…we would’ve had to dance with some 70 year olds.

:) Needless to say…A good time was had by all.

My Mama the Ebonics Instructor

This was too funny not to share.

Usher now apparently has one of those American Cancer Society commercials where he sings “Happy Birthday.” To be honest, the first few times that I saw the (Justin Bieber and Keith Urban ones) commercials, it made me want to cry. No more.

So I walked into the room this afternoon right after the Usher commercial. This is how the conversation went:

Mama: “Aleta, who’s Shawny?”
Me: “What??”
Mama: “There was just some rapper singing ‘Shawny, Happy birthday to you’.”
I said, “Mama, if it was some rapper, I’m sure it was ‘Shawty’ not ‘Shawny.’”
Mama: “What does that even mean?”
Rheba piped in… “Almost all rappers use that in at least one of their songs.”
Mama’s like, “Shawty. You’s my peep. You prolly gonna be there after my incarceration.”

O.M.G. Before you think my mama is stereotyping…she was totally making fun of me b/c once after listening to some song on 105.3 I had to ask her what ‘incarcerated’ was (mind you, I was a teenager).

So, tonight, we were sitting out in her stamping room and the commercial came on again. I walk out of the room for a minute, when I return, I hear my mama singing…

“Shawty, it’s your birthday…Happy Birthday, Shawty…Happy birthday to you.”

Oh. Dear. Jesus. I about died. What am I going to do with her?? LOL!

And on that note, my mama is now going around singing “What I like.…What I like….What I like.” We were watching the lovely channel RFDTv this week, while the FFA National Convention was on. There was a group that sang the song “What I like about you.” The back-up singer, who was very very flat to say the least (a/k/a couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket) would only sing “What I like…..What I like….” So, mom now does her impression of him in this deep, creepy voice…all. The. Time. It is hilarious.

A case of the Uglies

Have you ever had a week (or month) where you just KNOW you look like fido’s butt? You’re still gettin’ up and “paintin’ the barn,” as my preacher would say, but it sure ain’t pretty? This is how I’m feeling right now.

I think old age is settin’ in y’all. For real. I wake up every morning feeling like I got into a fight with a chimpanzee during the middle of the night. My back aches, my neck aches, and I would rather just put the covers back over my head and wake up in 2012. I stumble, and I do mean stumble considering the disaster area that is my room, to my bathroom. I gaze into the mirror and think “Oh dear Jesus.” I’m getting wrinkles in between my eyebrows…no doubt from giving a million “hairy eyeballs.” It is just not pretty. I used to LOVE to do my makeup, now it’s become more of a chore than anything. I’m using the same old shades, despite the fact that I just bought four packs of new eyeshadows. If I could be like the cast of Jersey Shore and wear my sunglasses indoors, I’m certain it would brighten my mood.

And don’t get me started on my wardrobe. I have fell into the “wear it because it’s comfortable” phase. We’re talking hair up in a ponytail, jeans, t-shirt (the “of-the-Hanes-variety” with something ironed-on it…whether it be “Savannah,” my B.S. shirt, or my Cow-tipping shirt, really, they’re all the same), and flip-flops.

And the uglies hasn’t just stopped with my wardrobe, hair, and makeup…it’s attacked my (gulp) social skills as well. FOR example, I have a magnet inside of me that attracts people with problems. And, I have a neon sign that flashes “I care” when these people come near me. Need I remind you of the lady that showed me her tax bill and complained to me about how her property taxes were done all wrong. –Mind you, I still work at the Journal and have NO IDEA how any of this related to me-- Then, she told me how she was going to strike it big selling concrete molds to make garden gnomes. Anywho, back to my point…I can’t even PRETEND to care anymore. I can’t carry on mindless babble (aka small talk) conversations.

It’s bad. Really bad. Let’s hope this case of the uglies goes away soon.

Oh, on a happy note, I DID get my ears pierced again last weekend. Now that the stinging has stopped, I am quite pleased with the outcome. Now I have 3 holes in one ear and 2 in the other. So I can check that off my to-do list.

BTW, considering the state I’m in and the cluelessness on attire currently, What in heck would you wear to a Fiddlin’ Concert??

Yes, I, Aleta Kaylee, will be attending the Fiddlin’ Concert tomorrow night. What to wear?...What to wear?

Turning two and Poh-ta-bots

Well, y’all, one of my favorite little people turned 2 today :)

At first sight, Miss Allie Claire Mizell had me wrapped around her little finger. I felt as antsy as the family probably felt days before she was born. Which is funny, because up until then, I had never really liked kids. I just couldn’t wait to meet this little girl. I can remember Carrie bringing her into the Journal just days after she was born and my. heart. was. won.

...And don't get me started on when she told me "I La You" or when she called me "Leeeeeda, Leeeeeeda." Blessed my heart!

One of the perks of my job would definitely have to be getting to see Allie Claire and Gus and getting to hear all the funny stories about them. I know that my friends probably get sick of hearing all the stories, especially since most of them have never met the famous duo. I think pretty much everything those two do is just darling or the funniest thing ever. What can I say? I’m the smitten “adopted” Aunt. :)

Is this purse cute or what??

Well, this year, while looking on the Vera Bradley site, I found something that Miss Allie Claire certainly could not live without. The cutest little purse ever! I also found her some hair bows and Little Critter book (I LOVE the Little Critter Series), a gift card to Chick-Fil-A after I heard of her recent French fry addiction :) and a Dora the Explorer sticker book. Boy, she seemed thrilled with the stickers. She even decorated Mr. John’s check book binder…I’m sure he’ll chuckle when he sees Dora and Boots all over it on Monday.

Amazed with the 276 Dora and Boots Stickers :)

Later on, she went searching for her hair bows, and wanted several in her hair. Carrie was busy on the phone, so I wanted to entertain myself…I mean her. Hehe. First, she wanted the pink one…then the “Poh-ta-bot one”…How cute is that?!!!

Then, the little Miss decided she wanted to talk on the phone. Doesn’t she look like a good secretary??--Please note the sippy cup in her hand. To that I would like to say "Darlin', sometimes I want to drink at work too..." haha.

I hope that Miss Allie has the most wonderful birthday ever and I hope that she knows that she is a very special, very loved, little girl.

Cold-hearted morons

Well, y’all, I’m aggravated. Once again. This afternoon, I opened my email up and one of the headlining news articles was about the people that protest soldiers’ funerals. I don’t know about y’all…but just the thought of that INFURIATES me.

In the pictures that went with the article, they stand there, across from the church or funeral and hold signs saying “Thank God for dead soldiers,” “God hates America,” and “Thank God for IEDs.” OMG! It makes me SO angry!!!! They hide behind their “Freedom of Speech.” Yes, sure, you have your right to free speech. HOWEVER, I don’t feel that you have the right to protest a funeral. What are you accomplishing anyways?? And what kind of person would do that? How can you not feel sympathy for a family that has just lost their son/daughter/sibling/relative/friend, because they chose to fight for our country?

In closing this rant, let me mention two things: Do they not realize that the First Amendment that is protecting them, was brought into place because soldiers fought and DIED for us to have the freedom that we do have? AND If they think that God hates America so much, why are they still here???

Frankly, my dears, I believe we’re dealing with a bunch of cold-hearted morons here.