Thursday, January 3, 2013

That moment when...

The moment when your favorite song comes on in the car and the person you’re riding with starts singing it….and you’re like “whoa nelly, this ain’t karaoke.”

The moment when you ask “how are you?” when you know damn well you’d rather be shot in the foot than have to listen to how that person is.

The “oh shit” moment when you realize that you didn’t check the caller ID before answering and it’s the person you’ve been trying to avoid.

That moment when you go to a football/basketball/baseball game and someone tries to talk to you about the game and you try to sound like you aren’t a complete sports imbecile. “Touchdown, right?” Oh, damn, this is basketball.

Along those lines…That moment when you start freaking out because you realize that you have now reached the age where at a basketball game between the alumni and high school team, you find yourself rooting for the alumni…and checking them out.

That moment when you run into someone who looks familiar, and try as you might, all you can think is “OMG, I know I’ve had a not-so-pleasant run-in with that person, but where?? Where??”

That moment when you want to be Amish, just because Levi from Amish Mafia (the fakest reality tv show ever) is adorable.

That moment when you see a fine lookin’ man, and then he opens his mouth and he’s got the most seductive Southern drawl you’ve ever heard…then you find out he’s a Junior in high school. Which is then followed by that moment when you think “Well, damn, they didn’t make them like that when I was in high school.”  And then...then, you feel like a pedofile.

That moment when you realize what the songs you used to listen to as a child were really about (For some it might be nursery songs, for me it’s all of Garth Brooks’ songs. Lol).

That moment when you’re sweating like a whore in church while Christmas shopping because the FLORIDA store you’re in has a temperature setting based off of its home office…which is in Alaska, where it’s -40 degrees outside.

That moment when you’re rooting for someone to cuss…to just let it out; because if you hear one more “for mercy’s sake” you’re going to punch them in the face.

That moment when, you just want to sit under your desk at work and smoke a cigarette.

That moment when you think “Why go through all of the headache of taking down your Christmas tree? I could decorate it up for Valentine’s Day, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas would roll around again eventually. Why don’t we just leave that shit up?”

That moment when you’re all crabby and you see someone you don’t like and think “she better not speak to me…she’d better not do it.” Then, the person who has earned your disdain says “Hello” or “How are you?” and you smile all the while thinking, “Bitch, I will punch you in the throat.”

For Heather Easley: That moment when you are about to die of a heat stroke…like you have sweat dripping down your back and your coworker turns on her space heater. Lol :)

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