As much as I would enjoy writing a funny post, tonight, more serious things are weighing on my mind. I will start off by asking the questions: “Can you really give up on someone you care about?” and “Can a person with issues really change?” Today, I’ve been mulling these questions over and over.
As I put in my blog last week, I had a terrible week. It was rough. And while this week is a cake walk in comparison, I still feel like I’m in a fog of contemplation.
I am the world’s worst at walking away. I am also the worst at saying goodbye. So my attempt at this last week was kind of a big deal. To get completely sappy here, I will say that I have been wearing a little gold band on my right hand (no, not the left…) for 2 years now. It had something kind of important engraved in it. I wore it as a constant reminder of someone of my past/present. I took the ring off last week and put it away. I just got fed up. A person can only take so much. It is hard to finally realize that you’ve been fooling yourself into thinking the person would change and “mend their ways.” I mean, how can people just live with mediocre ALL the time? I don’t understand it. I also have difficulty watching someone in a downward spiral grasping at straws, when I KNOW they could be/do so much better. It’s hard to watch.
This brings me to my questions. Can I really and truly give up on someone that I care for? I would love to be able to say that I could…but I can’t. I can’t just walk away from someone that I cared so deeply about. It’s just not in my make-up. Putting space and time in between us may help, but really, they’re still going to be on my mind. A song, a photo, a place can all bring the memories back.
Also, can a person with problems really change? I’m torn between feeling both cynical and naïve with this question. Can an alcoholic stop drinking? Can a drug addict stop using? Can an abuser stop beating someone? On one hand, optimism says that there is hope for everyone and that through Christ all things are possible. However, you look at the statistics and they don’t look so hot. Then, I question how they will be when everyone in the world turns their back to them. If a person feels like they are completely alone, then, won’t they then run to something that is an “immediate fix?” I’m torn between wanting to help and wanting to go running for the hills. I can’t fix everything, and I realize that, but I also don’t think that I could live with myself if anything were to happen. I pray that he will change, and that he will turn into the person that I know he can be….