"You jus' gotta have patience with the chilrens."

“You jus’ gotta have patience with the chilrens.” This is one piece of Madea advice that I cannot/will not head.

Every year when the Suwannee River Fair rolls around, I re-vow to never have children. Somehow, every year, I wind up sitting by the most annoying children in the tri-county area. Today, as I was trying to watch my sister in her steer showmanship class, three little girls kept fake-sneezing on me. Only after a few death glares and threats did they finally stop. I don’t care if they were “fake” sneezing…I still don’t want their spit on the back of my neck. Then, they started the oh-so-annoying game of hand-slapping. Where were their parents, I wonder…Probably at their house, or gallivanting around town, using the fair as a free baby-sitter. Ugh! Never, never will I have children.

We actually were supposed to have the steer showmanship last night. But due to the rain, wind, and nastiness, they cancelled it…after we had sat there for about 3 hours. But I digress. Anyways, during the 3 hours, I wound up sitting by a family of annoying heifers (whose name I shall not mention…I will only say that they are in the Journal a HECK of a lot with their steer pictures :). I wanted to shoot myself in the foot. They narrated all the showmanship classes. I wanted to turn around and say “I don’t care what you think!” Then, they kept inching their manure-clad boots towards my big Vera Bradley purse. THEN, they started discussing dieting and how one of them had stuck to eating only chicken for a whole year. She had tried to eat a hamburger recently and it didn’t even taste good. Can I just say here, that I desperately wanted to whip out a burger and fries and eat it in front of them?? I swear, they look like starving Ethiopians as it is. Their diet obsession is insane. I’m all for people losing weight for health purposes…but looking like a skeleton with skin just isn’t my cup of tea (as you could probably tell).