So, I've asked y'all to join my love letter contest, and because of that, I wanted to share a bit of my story...it's not a love letter, but it's my story.
I wasn’t ready. But looking back with a slightly more ripened perspective, I’m not sure I would’ve ever been ready. Sometimes the greatest things in life come in rather boisterously…yet, when they leave, they leave with a whisper; a whisper that is only felt over time as its lasting effects ripple through every aspect of your life and being.
It all started with a summer party. My head was filled with decorations, party favors and food; little did I know that within a week, my world would be shaken.
Later, long after that week had come and went, while I was looking at the photos from the party, I remember looking at a picture of myself smiling. Looking at that photo knocked the wind out of me. I so longed to tell that girl that thought she had forever, “Prepare yourself! A storm is coming.”
They say that the frontal lobe in our brain is to blame for the feeling of being invincible in our youth, because it isn’t fully developed. We tend to not understand the value of time until it has passed. I guess I had just thought that my time with him would be infinite; he would always be there.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t written in the stars. It was never meant to be. Sometimes the people we spend today with, we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow with. Losing him broke my heart and broke my spirit; but loving him…loving him was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
So here is my declaration of love:
I loved his voice; the deep Southern drawl that drew me in.
I loved his eyes; I loved watching him watching me when he had a million other things he needed to be doing.
I loved his smile…and the dimples, God I loved the dimples.
Beyond all of this, I loved his mind. His thoughts would make me laugh, make me think, or fascinate me.
I loved seeing the tender, compassionate side of an otherwise manly man.
I loved his heart. Despite the sometimes tough exterior, in it there was an honest, good man’s heart.
I loved the way he made me feel. Sometimes in an utter foul-mood funk, he would say something that instantly made me feel better.
I loved the way he made me feel strong, funny, confident, and attractive.
I loved that he never ceased to make me laugh.
I loved that when I felt like my life was in the midst of utter turmoil, he could say "Aleta, it's going to be okay," and I believed him.
I loved the way that he made me feel beautiful.
I loved and cherished the times he would open up and tell me his most personal stories and thoughts.
I loved the way that, even without the words having to be spoken, I knew how he felt about me.
I loved hearing him say “I love you.”
I still can’t bear to part with the ring that has the date that I realized I loved him engraved in it. Sometimes I wear it on my necklace so that it’s close to my heart. I wear it as a reminder.
Of course, I have been interested in others, but no man has ever measured up. How can you settle for mediocre, when you’ve loved someone so great?
People sometimes pity me. From the outside looking in, I am 26 and alone. Yes, I am 26. Yes, I am alone. In turn, I pity those that change lovers like they do their underwear. I have loved. I have loved hard. I have loved in the purest form. Don’t pity me. I was one of the lucky ones.