Thursday, January 29, 2009

Squirrels throwing rocks, the Cooter Cab, and the turkey on a leash

I have a way of having bizarre things happen around me. I am not complaining, though, it gives me plenty of stories to tell.

Tonight, I will begin with the squirrels that threw rocks. As a prelude to this story, I will start by saying that every Saturday between Thanksgiving and Christmas, my mom and I shop. We have been doing it since my Grandma Betty (my mom’s mom) died. It’s just our thing. We will plan anything for any other Saturday throughout the year, but during that time, we try not to make any plans. It’s a great bonding time. Anyways, so one Saturday, we had been shopping all morning, and we decided to grab some lunch. We just wanted to grab something and go, so we stopped at Checkers. Frankly, if you ever get that opportunity, pass it up. I used to love their fries, but they tasted horrible and were soaked in grease. Yuck. Well, as we were in the drive-thru line, I began to hear this really hard thumping on the top of my car. Then, I heard a loud crack from my windshield. I (once again with the potty mouth) yelled “What the HELL was that?” Mom said that it was just squirrels dropping acorns. Ok, y’all, I am still not convinced of this. With the loud cracking noise, I was convinced that my windshield was cracked. I have determined that all of those movies that have animals plotting amongst themselves were correct. Those d*** squirrels had seen two chunky monkeys in line to get fast food, and they decided to throw rocks at our car to try to steer us clear of those calories.

Crystal River is such a nice town to shop in. You can even get front-row parking the day after Thanksgiving. It’s wonderful. Absolutely one of my favorite places to shop. One night my friend Sam and I took our friend Jared down there to have dinner and see a movie. Sam and I both are not too keen on driving in Gainesville…and we hated always making Jared drive. So, off we went to Crystal River. We had dinner at Fat Boys BBQ (Classy…let me tell you), and during the time we were eating dinner, we must have seen 5 guys bearing the mullet hairdo. At the end of our meal, Jared told (and shocked, I might add) Sam and I with his thought that Crystal River was the “Armpit of America.” I was appalled that he would say such a thing about one of our favorite places to go. I didn’t believe him until recently. As mom and I were driving through C.R. one day, I noticed a funny looking car behind us. I told mom to slow up so that they could pass us. As the car went around us, I rolled with laughter. The vinyl on the windshield of the car said “Cooter Cab.” Then, the side of the car said “If you need a cab, call the Cooter.” I can’t tell y’all how many things were wrong with this. But it left me thinking that Jared was right. Crystal River is a “special” place.

Another one of my favorite places in the world to go is Carrabelle. It’s very much like Cedar Key (but smells a little nicer, and I know less people there…which can be a good thing). Carrabelle is very good place to go and relax. I try to go visit there as frequently as time and money will allow. On my latest visit, I saw a very interesting spectacle. Carrabelle was having a Christmas light/boat parade that weekend, and had many booths set up on Marine Street. I think that I mentioned this on one of my first blogs-- While we were walking down the street, we heard screams coming from people sitting at a booth. It took us a sec to realize what was going on. A woman had driven by in a golf cart, and gotten something stuck in her tires. That something was a turkey. That turkey got wrapped around the tire. At first, I thought it was a wild turkey that had ran out of the wooded area behind the booth. Nope. When they unwrapped the turkey from the golf cart tire, we realized that the turkey was wearing a leash. It was the people at the booth’s pet turkey. The sad thing was the fact that the lady on the golf cart drove off as soon as they unwound the traumatized turkey. She wasn’t hanging around to see if it was ok. BTW, the turkey was ok. We went by later, and it was still sprawled out on the sidewalk…but later on that night it was up and moving around. Poor fellow. He lived to become Christmas dinner…or so it was told.
Yep, crazy things are happening everywhere. Praise God I’m a nut magnet, and get to see a lot of them. I love it. With this kind of crap happening around me, I will have stories for years.


  1. I LOVE Crystal River, cooter cabs and all!!! How dare he call it the armpit!! By far, it is not the armpit...I could think of much worse places. Speaking of Crystal River...I could really go for some shrimp at Charlie's right about now....

  2. Have you ever thought about changing your profession to stand up comedy? hahaha

  3. I lived there for about a year before we moved here in third grade. Hmm...perhaps one of the things that is wrong with me?

    Squirrels are evil little buggers!! I had one that lived in my attic and would run around above my head...I had a Koosh ball and would throw it at the ceiling at scream potty words at him. One day I had the blinds open, he climbed up the side of the house and was staring in the window at me!! He was taunting me!! The stray cat that appeared made it a scrumptious snack. I'm telling you...the little buggers like to taunt you!!!