Un-lady-like Behavior

As I wrote in my blog (“A Far Cry…”) the other night, I have never professed to be the ideal “lady.” Although I do make strides to better my behavior, I am often brought back to reality and shown how un-lady-like I can act at times. Now, I do feel a teensy bit bad about spouting off on the “princess” issue….b/c I, myself, am prone to throw a tantrum or two...as most of you know. (But then again…this is WAY different, b/c I don’t get jealous of a four-month old :)…that’s just sick). I was thinking, tonight, about some of my behavior in the past, and I just got tickled. Have y’all ever looked back on some of the stuff that you did, and thought “Good Lord, how on earth do people put up with me on a daily basis?” So now I’m sitting here in my three-leaf clover pajamas, trying to determine if I should let y’all in on a few of my more recent outbursts. I might just embarrass myself…………………Oh, what the heck. I laugh at other people enough…I might as well have a few laughs at myself. Here are a few.

Aleta’s Unlady-like behavior….(installment 1)

1. Recently trying to get someone to run my fourth-grade teacher over in our church parking lot. –As a side note, she told my mom that I needed to see a psychologist…so I was going to show her :)…(btw, I majored in psychology myself…so there, witch!)

2. Giving the preacher’s son the bird…in church…during a prayer. (This, in my defense, was a few years ago.) So how trashy is this? Maybe not the best time to do it…but in my defense, he SO deserved it. Can I get an Amen from anyone that knows him?? Haha :)

3. Chasing chickens around the yard with a spatula. –I hate a chicken. I love to eat them, but while they are alive, I hate them. So, imagine my reaction when my dad decides to get some. I am convinced that they sense this hatred that I have, and they try to drive me insane. I’m not kidding, they follow me (from the outside, of course) around the house. If I am sleeping, they are under my bedroom window. If I am watching tv in the living room, they are outside that window. It’s very frustrating. Well, one afternoon, I was trying to watch “The Notebook”…one of my all-time favorite movies. Those stupid chickens were on our front porch just a cackling. I dealt with it for about 45 minutes…then, I had reached my breaking point. As I went to walk outside, I found the closest thing to a weapon I could find…it happened to be a spatula. I chased those chickens around the yard with a spatula for about 5 minutes…Once again, thank goodness we don’t have close neighbors…they’d have thrown me in the looney bin for sure!

4. Throwing my shoe at someone to win an argument. So….maybe this is a bit “Springer”…but I can say that I did win the argument. Well, until that person threw my shoe into the pool.—That person was none other than Rheba.

5. Hitting my old boss really, really hard (on the arm…but still). Then, calling him a wuss. He deserved it. That is all I will say.

6. Attending a wedding of an old crush, and laughing and trying to stifle my snorting so hard during the vows that I started to cry. The people behind gave me and Sam tissues b/c they thought we were “having an emotional moment.” I was just laughing b/c the preacher messed up their names, and then the groom (the old crush) messed up the vows. I think that we embarrassed Jared with our behavior. Still the groom shouldn’t have invited us. What a D.A.

7. As a silent protest…changing my nametag from the grocery store to say “Aleta the homewrecking hussie. If your man is not at home with you, he’s with me.” There are some really mean old biddies in Trenton that like to start stuff. It’s just one of those things where you have to laugh at them, because it is completely ridiculous.

8. One of my new “besties” Amy,(don’t y’all just hate the new lingo? Like…I want to kill the person who invented the word “preggers.” Anyways…) , gave me another unlady-like thing to do via email tonight. Hocking your gum out of the truck window. Now, that’s classy :) Love ya girl!

9. Alright, this is my all-time favorite un-lady-like moment, and I can’t even claim it. A friend (who shall remain nameless…due to the fact that she could get into a little trouble) got so very mad at a guy in her life one day, that she took a shovel and hit the side of his truck (and gave it a little ding, I might add). I can’t even tell you how impressed I was with this. It cracked me up, but you would have to know her to fully appreciate it. Crazy as “H,” but we all love her.

Well, once again, I’ll probably be able to add to this list considerably by the end of the week. It’s never ending. I think that we all try our darndest but sometimes, we can’t be lady-like all the time. What can I say…I’m just not debutante material.