I would NEVER describe myself as being even-tempered or level-headed. So, I near about threw myself a little fit this morning while dealing with a bunch of morons. I’m talkin’a turnin’ red, horn-honkin’, profanity usin’ fit. We had to rush around this morning because my sister wanted to go to the fair to watch some of her friends participate in the horse show, mom and I needed to run to Chiefland for a bit, and then we had to make it to Branford’s Barrel Race by 12. Needless to say, it was a crazy morning.
We made a quick run in Walmart to pick up a few things, then we raced to the Post Office. While driving we got behind the slowest imaginable person…who happened to be going to the Post Office, too. After 3 minutes of putting along, I reached over to Mom’s steering wheel and started honking. Didn’t help, but it made me feel better. Idiot.
Then…You know how some people just aren’t breakfast eatin’ people? Well, I’m not one of them. I have to eat breakfast or I’ll be even crankier than usual. And I am absolutely smitten with Burger King’s Cheesy Tots. I should probably say right here that all of my family wants different places when were eating out. What can I say?…we’re just difficult like that. Well, after getting Mom and Rheba’s breakfast at McDonalds, we headed for the Cheesy Tot Palace. As we pull up, mom points to the clock (10:29) and says “we’re sure cuttin’ it close.” As we go to place my scrumptious order, the order-taker informs us that they are no longer serving breakfast. (I will not say what I said at this point ;-) But luckily, cheesy tots are served all day, so at least I got them. But as we pull around, and the boy practically threw my food at my mama, my mom laughingly says to the man “Sir, it was 10:29 when we got here.” (as I am mumbling obscenities under my breath). He then, in a smart butt way says “Actually, ma’am, it was 10:35, your clock must be wrong.” As mom was driving off, I may or may not have leaned across her to call him a lying little a-hole. …oops. (shaking my head in embarrassment now) You can smart off to me, but you’d better not smart off to my mama, bud.
We picked Rheba up from the fair, and started towards Branford. We got behind yet ANOTHER slow driver with a bedroom set in the back of his truck. (insert more honking and profanity here). I am a bit of a “road rager,” I guess you would say.
Well, finally we made it to Branford. After we finished laying everything out…books, magazines, chairs, hats, etc …we finally got to sit back and relax. We had a while to wait. Rheba was number 168 (literally, we were there for 5 ½ hours before she ran). I was sitting back reading “Bright Lights, Big Ass” by Jen Lancaster (hi-larious book, buy a copy, I’m sure you’ll love it…)I feel something brush against my toes. A little ugly mutt, who’s owner is nowhere in sight, is trying to pee on my feet. WTH? (add more profanity here…)
Then, with the sun warming my face, I decide to take a little cat nap. Somewhere in between consciousness, I feel something graze my head, and a thump behind me. I wake up, turn to mom, and say “What the hell was that??” The woman behind me lifted up a rock and says “It was a rock.” Someone had thrown a rock at my head while I was trying to sleep. (add more profanity here…) Needless to say, I was not amused.
But after all of this insanity, I have been shown once again that God has a sense of humor. As we were getting back into Dixie County (taking Rheba back to the fair), we happened along a little church. This is what the sign out front looked like…
I don’t know if you’ll find it nearly as funny as we did. But it made me laugh and laugh. Only in Dixie will you see the combination of Larry the Cable Guy and Church. I love it. Even on bad or crazy days. God will give you something to smile about. It helps that we have a wierd sense of humor...