My inner/built-in girdle is broken

Ok…so Tuesday night (before I got the tummy bug), I decided that my growing belly was driving me nuts, so I started doing crunches. Believe it or not, I was doing like 200 everyday a year ago. I stopped around the time I got mono (and thought my spleen would suddenly burst at any over-exertion). Needless to say, it’s been a while since I’ve worked those muscles. And boy do I feel it now. It’s been 2 days, and I can hardly move. I can’t touch my toes. I can’t laugh without doubling over in pain. If I drop something on the floor at work, I leave it where it fell (and pretend like I didn’t notice that it fell). This sucks. That stupid lady on television that talks about having a “solid core” and “stomach muscles that work like a built-in girdle to hold you in” apparently hadn’t met any chubby girls. My inner/built-in girdle is broken. I want a refund. I won’t lie, I’ll probably do the crunches again when I’m not in excruciating pain. Although exercise is quickly becoming a dirty word for me.

Has anyone that is reading this (if anyone is) ever tried Tae-bo? If you should ever be given that opportunity…pass it up. Especially if you are as uncoordinated as I am. In trying to do the move where you move your knee up to your other (other side) elbow, I lost my balance and fell onto my couch. My friend Steph was working out with me at the time, but she was in front of me…so I had hoped she didn’t notice. (Never mind the loud thump, and “OWWW!” that followed). She saw everything. Our entertainment center has glass doors, so she saw it all. Next thing I knew, she was doubled over laughing at me and my clumsy self. Dang Tae-bo man.

I am also quickly becoming a hater of all things green. Before my friend Megan’s wedding, I ate salads EVERY STINKIN’ Day. Just so I wouldn’t look quite like a pumpkin in the “Palm Beach Coral” Dress she stuffed me in (still did, btw). I got a little tired of the salads then, and I’m getting’ sick of them again. I ate one tonight. I told my mom, “It’s delicious. It’s just the fact that I hate chewing, and chewing, and chewing just to eat a piece of lettuce.” I swear, I work more muscles trying to eat a damn salad than I do plastering my fake work smile on every day. Frankly it’s not worth it. Oh, and I must mention the fact that while eating a salad at work the other day, I sat there chewing and chewing, wondering why the lettuce I had in my mouth wasn’t breaking down. (This was the salad straight from the bag) It wasn’t breaking down because it had RUBBER in it. No lie. It was a little blue piece of rubber/balloon- looking material. I was disgusted. Now, I’ve earned the name Trojan Woman and Rubbermaid from my dear friend Amy.